In my profession as a relationship advisor, I'm consistently being asked why so many relationships do not work which results to girls wish to get an ex back. In the more than 30 years that I have worked with couples, I have discovered five major relationship killers:
CONTROLLING Behavior - The majority enter a liaison with a deep fear of rejection, and this fear inspires assorted sorts of controlling behavior. Controlling behaviour falls into two major classes overt control and secret control. Overt control includes many types of attack, for example blaming angriness, rage, violence, judgment, feedback and disrespect. Secret control includes compliance, enabling, withdrawal, protecting, explaining, lying and rejecting.
Frequently somebody at the other end of attack will respond with some kind of covert control in an attempt to have control over not being attacked. Controlling behaviour always leads to antagonism and emotional distance, bringing about the very rejection it's meant to avoid.
RESISTANCE - Many folks enter a relationship with a deep fear of being engulfed and controlled of losing themselves. The instant they experience their partner wanting control of them, they respond with resistance withdrawal, unconsciousness, insensibility, forgetfulness, and time wasting.
NEEDINESS - Many people enter a relationship believing that it's their partner's job to fill their emptiness, take away their aloneness, and make them feel good about themselves. When folks have not learned how to be responsible for their own feelings and wants and to define their own self-worth, they may pull on their partner and others to fill them with the love they want.
SUBSTANCE AND PROCESS Obsessions - Most people who feel empty within turn to substance and process obsessions in an effort to fill their emptiness and take away the agony of their aloneness and solitude. Alcohol and substance abuse, food, spending, betting, busyness, Net sex and porno, affairs, work, TV, amassing things, decking out, and such like can all be used as methods to fill emptiness and avoid fears of failure, inadequacy, rejection and engulfment. And they are all ways of shutting out your companion.
EYES ON PARTNER'S PLATE - Many of us are very conscious of what their partner is doing that is causing relationship issues, but fully oblivious of what they are doing. As an example, you may be awfully conscious of your partner's resistance or withdrawal, but totally ignorant of your own unforgiving behaviour.
You could be awfully conscious of your partner's resentment, but totally unaware of your own compliance. You might be very mindful of your partner's addictive behavior, but very unaware of your own enabling. So long as your eyes are on your companion rather than on yourself, you may continue to believe that if only your better half changed, everything would be O.K.
RESOLVING RELATIONSHIP KILLERS - All relationship killers come from fear of inadequacy, of failure, of rejection and of engulfment. So long as you are coming from any of these fears, you will be behaving in one or two of the above ways.
The way out is to develop a loving adult self who knows how to take full responsibility for your own feelings and needs.
Find more more methods to get your ex back when you visit my Magic of Making Up review now!
Tags: love advice, relationship advice, Relationship Help, relationships
Source: http://www.weddingcarguide.co.uk/3416/reasons-why-relationships-break-up-and-how-you-can-avoid-them/
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